If I’m being 100% honest, I didn’t want children when I was growing up. Unlike most other young girls, I didn’t dream about growing up and having kids of my own. Instead, I dreamt of having a successful career and making money and being able to support myself. As I write that sentence, it really hits me how strange that was! I believe I only babysat as a teenager once or twice. And by babysat, I mean I attempted to babysit and my mom had to come and finish the job because I couldn’t handle it! So to say my child experience is limited is a big understatement. 🙂
Throughout my early and mid-twenties, I knew I was going to fall in love with the love of my life (which I did at 26) and marry him. But when we did get married and started to talk about having children, I was excited about the new possibility, but still apprehensive about what that would look like and how it would affect my life. Would I be a good mom? Will I be able to support and love this child more than the world itself? My uncertainty of this was surely driven by my own relationship with my mom. When I was 17, my mom moved away from my sister and our dad. She made the decision to move out of state and start her life again. She was a stay-at-home mom and devoted her life entirely to my sister and me. She had no balance. I truly believe she exhausted all of the energy she had in those 17 years and my fear was that I would do the same.
At 2:01AM on March 22, 2016, Joanna Francesca was born to me and my husband. She was by far, the most amazing act of God I have ever met or seen. Sure, the first 2 weeks were extremely tough with bouts of crying spells, no showers, self-doubt on my ability to be a good mom and sleepless nights, not to mention a very sore body. But also in those first two weeks and subsequent weeks I also experienced what true love really is. Joanna has taught me so much in so little time. How to be patient. How to care entirely for another living being. How to see true love in another’s eyes.
I look forward to our journey together, me and her and her dad. She is my heart, my forever. She will be by far more amazing than I could ever be. She already is.